how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
