Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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