dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
