Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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