fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
