im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
