Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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