I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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