Don't make out with my wife yet
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
