Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
