I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
