Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize