as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
