So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
