so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
