im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
