basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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