and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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