I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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