Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
