i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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