There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
