I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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