she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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