I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
