I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
