You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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