Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
