Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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