I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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