can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
