I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
