the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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