After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
