OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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