Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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