Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
