glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And the cops told us we were all naked.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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