Just fell off a train. Bad.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
