i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
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