I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dear god my vagina.
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