3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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