if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times