mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
