i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
