Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
