Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
