saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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