if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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