I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
