Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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