mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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