Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
