So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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