hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
