I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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