I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
