bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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