Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize