I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
