oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
