..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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Come share oat with me in your robe
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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