dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
