david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
