glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
