Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
